I found this quote in the book "Reiki & Other Rays of Touch Healing" written by Kathleen Milner on page 33:
"We can only see who we are. What we do not like, even hate and despise in others, is where we need to begin our own healing. It is a difficult realization and a most uncomfortable process to go through. Denial is far easier. However, for those with the strength of heart to look within and ask, 'What is this individual mirroring in me?' Great change, release and transformation is possible. In this way, we all serve as teachers to one another."
This is one book that I read that had some confusing ideas for me and some ideas that I just couldn't even go there but the above quote, I thought was well worth sharing. It is what I have come to believe. You don't have to agree with me any more than I agree with some of what I read in the book. What sometimes works for me is to just be open to the possibility that there is some truth in the statement or the idea.
So often we think the above quote, "We can only see who we are" applies to just the things that we don't like in other people. That isn't true. It also applies to the things that we like and even love about other people. The things that we admire in other people---trustworthiness, compassion, kindness, joy, healing abilities and so much more---we also have in us or we would not recognise it in others. When you see someone that you greatly admire or look up to, you have those very same qualities in yourself. We all carry that same greatness in us. If we didn't, we wouldn't recognise it in others.
Today, I challenge you to step up and meet the greatness that is you.
Patricia
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Gifts Of Facing Your Fears
A few days ago I read an article called "Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears" written by Tom Volkar at Delightful Work. You will find the article at this link: http://www.delightfulwork.com/2008/06/24/cash-in-on-the-hidden-gold-beneath-your-fear/ .
Click on the link above and go read Tom's article, then come back here and read mine. I'll be here when you get back. In the mean time, I will go fix myself a cup of coffee.
People keep telling me that I am courageous to write about incest. I am not any more brave than anyone else. I have just reached the grand age of 56 years old where I don't care as much what other people think about me as I once did. I do care. At 56, my opinion of me is the most important. Doing what is right for me has become more important than your opinion of me.
The praise does feel good so if you want to keep it coming, I won't object. I will even admit that I love it when you tell me how good, nice, courageous, outspoken I am. My ego is still in tact and even still in control at times. So thank you for your words of encouragement. They are appreciated.
I need to set the record straight. I am just as fearful as the rest of you, probably even more so than some of you. Yes, writing down my thoughts on this blog for the world to see is scarey business but the rewards have been well worth facing my fears to do this. Facing my fears has been so rewarding. I can so relate to Tom's article and see that when we face our fears, there is gold hidden beneath the fears.
In one of my recent articles, "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/quit-playing-small-and-insignificant.html ), I faced a major fear of mine---the fear that I might be "powerful beyond measure" (Marianne Williamson in "A Return to Love"). I was fearful of letting my light shine to its full strength because you might think I felt superior to you. My ego might even try to convince me that I am superior to you. As it says in my article, I was fearful of accepting that I am responsible for my life and what I do with that life.
What have been the immediate gold that I found hidden beneath those fears?
1. I have found a new level of self-confidence that I didn't have before. I acted as if I were confident but it was only an act. Now, it is real. I am powerful beyond all measure and so are you. Each of us is powerful as magnificient reflections of the God in each of us.
2. My creativity with my writing for this blog has gone through the roof. I have never written as many articles as I have in the past week. I am not posting them all at once so you will continue to see these articles come out over the next few weeks. I wrote 5 articles last week, three of which have already been posted. This article is the second one in two days that I have written this week.
3. Tools such as Tom's article and the information that I posted from Paula Kawal that you will find in my article "Shame, The Abuser's Friend" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/shame-abusers-friend.html have come my way to be shared on this blog. Helping others has to come second after helping myself to grow since I choose to help others through sharing my own journey. These tools will give me and you more ways to heal ourselves. This is a lesson I learned about 20 years ago. I can't help others heal until I have done the work of healing myself.
4. Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes at Divine Purpose Unleashed ( http://divinepurposeunleashed.com/ ) have helped me to look more clearly at what my divine purpose is. This blog is the tool for me to accomplish my divine purpose of reaching out to others who wish to move beyond victim and survivor to become who they really are as Divine Beings.
5. Slade Roberson ( http://sladeroberson.com/ ) and Andrea Hess ( http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ ) have both opened the door for me to learn to communicate more with my Spirit Guides. Hey guys, that voice in your head or your ear doesn't necessarily mean you are going crazy. It could be your guides communicating with you.
6. Michelle Vandepas introduced me to the new Debbie Ford book called "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." You will be hearing more from me about this book. It is the missing piece I have been searching for.
7. As I release more fears, more joy and contentment come into my life.
Next time I find myself faced with my fears, I intend to use Tom's four statements to look at my fears and his four questions to find out exactly what I am afraid of and what actions I can take to release the fears. Thank you Tom for sharing this article with the rest of us. I love it when I find tools that do what they are supposed to. With tools, we are better equipped to deal with life. Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful. Live it to the fullest. Be as powerful as you truly are.
Your life can be glorious when you choose for it to be.
Patricia
Click on the link above and go read Tom's article, then come back here and read mine. I'll be here when you get back. In the mean time, I will go fix myself a cup of coffee.
People keep telling me that I am courageous to write about incest. I am not any more brave than anyone else. I have just reached the grand age of 56 years old where I don't care as much what other people think about me as I once did. I do care. At 56, my opinion of me is the most important. Doing what is right for me has become more important than your opinion of me.
The praise does feel good so if you want to keep it coming, I won't object. I will even admit that I love it when you tell me how good, nice, courageous, outspoken I am. My ego is still in tact and even still in control at times. So thank you for your words of encouragement. They are appreciated.
I need to set the record straight. I am just as fearful as the rest of you, probably even more so than some of you. Yes, writing down my thoughts on this blog for the world to see is scarey business but the rewards have been well worth facing my fears to do this. Facing my fears has been so rewarding. I can so relate to Tom's article and see that when we face our fears, there is gold hidden beneath the fears.
In one of my recent articles, "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/quit-playing-small-and-insignificant.html ), I faced a major fear of mine---the fear that I might be "powerful beyond measure" (Marianne Williamson in "A Return to Love"). I was fearful of letting my light shine to its full strength because you might think I felt superior to you. My ego might even try to convince me that I am superior to you. As it says in my article, I was fearful of accepting that I am responsible for my life and what I do with that life.
What have been the immediate gold that I found hidden beneath those fears?
1. I have found a new level of self-confidence that I didn't have before. I acted as if I were confident but it was only an act. Now, it is real. I am powerful beyond all measure and so are you. Each of us is powerful as magnificient reflections of the God in each of us.
2. My creativity with my writing for this blog has gone through the roof. I have never written as many articles as I have in the past week. I am not posting them all at once so you will continue to see these articles come out over the next few weeks. I wrote 5 articles last week, three of which have already been posted. This article is the second one in two days that I have written this week.
3. Tools such as Tom's article and the information that I posted from Paula Kawal that you will find in my article "Shame, The Abuser's Friend" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/shame-abusers-friend.html have come my way to be shared on this blog. Helping others has to come second after helping myself to grow since I choose to help others through sharing my own journey. These tools will give me and you more ways to heal ourselves. This is a lesson I learned about 20 years ago. I can't help others heal until I have done the work of healing myself.
4. Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes at Divine Purpose Unleashed ( http://divinepurposeunleashed.com/ ) have helped me to look more clearly at what my divine purpose is. This blog is the tool for me to accomplish my divine purpose of reaching out to others who wish to move beyond victim and survivor to become who they really are as Divine Beings.
5. Slade Roberson ( http://sladeroberson.com/ ) and Andrea Hess ( http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ ) have both opened the door for me to learn to communicate more with my Spirit Guides. Hey guys, that voice in your head or your ear doesn't necessarily mean you are going crazy. It could be your guides communicating with you.
6. Michelle Vandepas introduced me to the new Debbie Ford book called "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." You will be hearing more from me about this book. It is the missing piece I have been searching for.
7. As I release more fears, more joy and contentment come into my life.
Next time I find myself faced with my fears, I intend to use Tom's four statements to look at my fears and his four questions to find out exactly what I am afraid of and what actions I can take to release the fears. Thank you Tom for sharing this article with the rest of us. I love it when I find tools that do what they are supposed to. With tools, we are better equipped to deal with life. Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful. Live it to the fullest. Be as powerful as you truly are.
Your life can be glorious when you choose for it to be.
Patricia
Monday, June 23, 2008
Shame, The Abuser's Friend
As an incest survivor, I lived with the thought "I am no good" for over half of my life. As I discussed in a recent post "Tools Of The Ego" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/04/tools-of-ego.html , I was an extremely shy child and young adult. Any of my friends today would not recognise the shy child that I was.
One of the reasons for the shyness was that I was afraid if you got to know me you would find out that "I am no good." That thought ruled my life. The shame kept me silent and hurting.
John Bradshaw's book "Healing the Shame That Binds You" helped me to recognise and finally heal the shame. I learned that the thought "I am no good" was called shame. I learned that shame comes from the abuser who passes it on to his victim rather than feel it himself. Shame is the tool that the abuser uses to keep his victim silent. You are afraid to talk about the abuse because you believe that something in you, some badness in you, attracts the abusers to you. Shame is what makes the victim think that the abuse is their fault.
Shame is very invasive. Until you realize that the abuse was not your fault and that the abuse is not who you are, you will remain stuck in the pain and continue to create more situations or relationships that bring you more pain. Until you stop expecting to be hurt, you will be hurt. Taking responsibility for your life can be a frightening step. You can't change the past. You can change your reaction to the past.
Begin by knowing that you have choices in how you continue to live your life. If big changes frighten you, start with small ones. Do something today that makes you feel good about who you are. If you can't handle that, do something that makes you laugh. Laughter is one of the best medicines that I know in learning to take life not so seriously.
At this point, I want to include a comment that I got from Paula Kawal of Journey Inward Productions. This comment was in regard to an article that I wrote recently called "Why Do We Get Stuck In Blame." The quote will fit just as well when you are working with shame so here it is:
Paula said, "The blame cycle is often connected to the words we use to describe the event.
In NLP for example, we avoid using the word abuser. Let me tell you why.
When a child has a traumatic or what we call 'imprint' experience, they confuse themselves with the other party in the event.
So if my uncle has touched me inappropriately and I do not have the internal resources to deal with it, the experience will map my identity with his so that in essence I become him.
If I use the word abuser, that part of him inside me is now being judged. It's hard to love yourself, or not blame yourself or to feel safe when you have an internalized abuser running around inside you.
What stops this is creating unity inside by giving the adult in the experience the resource they needed to give love to the child appropriately.
When we have an internalized abuser within us, we can't help but be a victim...but transform the internal abuser into a resourceful person...then we, too, can be resourceful :)"
My comment, in part, back to Paula said, "I do know that the judgments that we make about others are really about us."
Then Paula added another valuable comment that said, "...I can tell you understand so I wanted to give you a little more to work with. You can start by referring to these people by their real names.
If I internally reference a man named Ray rather than a person called abuser, or even Dad, this is a reference that is a lot less loaded and easier to accept :)
I will most likely have a lot less expectations of Ray than I would of Dad! I can also imagine Ray can change where categorizing him as an abuser leaves little room in my mind for this and creates a monster out of the part of myself that plays his role inside of me.
The goal is to soften the part that represents him and through transforming my relationship with this part, I can learn a new way of being.
Remember, we carry the important people in our lives around inside of us. They are often the voices in our heads who challenge and encourage us...so it makes sense that these internalized representations have influence (both positive and not so positive) over our behavior.
What is less obvious is that these parts perform a functionality for us and that there is something really important that we are trying to get for ourselves through their internal representation...as they are a hidden form of our shadow self.
Once we get to the root of that functionality we have lots of ways of fulfilling it :)"
This comment, in itself, is so powerful. I just had to add it to this article on shame because it is even truer in regard to shame than it is for blame. Shame is about who we see ourselves as through the eyes of abuse. It isn't who we really are but when you are buried in shame, you don't see that. Paula's comment explains why we see ourselves as we do through the eyes of shame.
What I want you to know is, "You are not that person. You are so much more. Think about Paula's comment. Let us know what you think.
You can find more about Paula at http://www.paulakawal.com at Journey Inward Productions. In addition to coaching, Paula has a blog that you will find there as well. Her blog is how I met Paula. Thank you Paula for sharing the wisdom of your comments.
If you are interested in the article that caused Paula to leave her comment, you will find it at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/why-do-we-get-stuck-in-blame.html .
Patricia
One of the reasons for the shyness was that I was afraid if you got to know me you would find out that "I am no good." That thought ruled my life. The shame kept me silent and hurting.
John Bradshaw's book "Healing the Shame That Binds You" helped me to recognise and finally heal the shame. I learned that the thought "I am no good" was called shame. I learned that shame comes from the abuser who passes it on to his victim rather than feel it himself. Shame is the tool that the abuser uses to keep his victim silent. You are afraid to talk about the abuse because you believe that something in you, some badness in you, attracts the abusers to you. Shame is what makes the victim think that the abuse is their fault.
Shame is very invasive. Until you realize that the abuse was not your fault and that the abuse is not who you are, you will remain stuck in the pain and continue to create more situations or relationships that bring you more pain. Until you stop expecting to be hurt, you will be hurt. Taking responsibility for your life can be a frightening step. You can't change the past. You can change your reaction to the past.
Begin by knowing that you have choices in how you continue to live your life. If big changes frighten you, start with small ones. Do something today that makes you feel good about who you are. If you can't handle that, do something that makes you laugh. Laughter is one of the best medicines that I know in learning to take life not so seriously.
At this point, I want to include a comment that I got from Paula Kawal of Journey Inward Productions. This comment was in regard to an article that I wrote recently called "Why Do We Get Stuck In Blame." The quote will fit just as well when you are working with shame so here it is:
Paula said, "The blame cycle is often connected to the words we use to describe the event.
In NLP for example, we avoid using the word abuser. Let me tell you why.
When a child has a traumatic or what we call 'imprint' experience, they confuse themselves with the other party in the event.
So if my uncle has touched me inappropriately and I do not have the internal resources to deal with it, the experience will map my identity with his so that in essence I become him.
If I use the word abuser, that part of him inside me is now being judged. It's hard to love yourself, or not blame yourself or to feel safe when you have an internalized abuser running around inside you.
What stops this is creating unity inside by giving the adult in the experience the resource they needed to give love to the child appropriately.
When we have an internalized abuser within us, we can't help but be a victim...but transform the internal abuser into a resourceful person...then we, too, can be resourceful :)"
My comment, in part, back to Paula said, "I do know that the judgments that we make about others are really about us."
Then Paula added another valuable comment that said, "...I can tell you understand so I wanted to give you a little more to work with. You can start by referring to these people by their real names.
If I internally reference a man named Ray rather than a person called abuser, or even Dad, this is a reference that is a lot less loaded and easier to accept :)
I will most likely have a lot less expectations of Ray than I would of Dad! I can also imagine Ray can change where categorizing him as an abuser leaves little room in my mind for this and creates a monster out of the part of myself that plays his role inside of me.
The goal is to soften the part that represents him and through transforming my relationship with this part, I can learn a new way of being.
Remember, we carry the important people in our lives around inside of us. They are often the voices in our heads who challenge and encourage us...so it makes sense that these internalized representations have influence (both positive and not so positive) over our behavior.
What is less obvious is that these parts perform a functionality for us and that there is something really important that we are trying to get for ourselves through their internal representation...as they are a hidden form of our shadow self.
Once we get to the root of that functionality we have lots of ways of fulfilling it :)"
This comment, in itself, is so powerful. I just had to add it to this article on shame because it is even truer in regard to shame than it is for blame. Shame is about who we see ourselves as through the eyes of abuse. It isn't who we really are but when you are buried in shame, you don't see that. Paula's comment explains why we see ourselves as we do through the eyes of shame.
What I want you to know is, "You are not that person. You are so much more. Think about Paula's comment. Let us know what you think.
You can find more about Paula at http://www.paulakawal.com at Journey Inward Productions. In addition to coaching, Paula has a blog that you will find there as well. Her blog is how I met Paula. Thank you Paula for sharing the wisdom of your comments.
If you are interested in the article that caused Paula to leave her comment, you will find it at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/why-do-we-get-stuck-in-blame.html .
Patricia
Friday, June 20, 2008
Health And Wellness Is Your Responsibility
Hi. This is to let you know about the guest author post that I did on the blog "Best Of Mother Earth." You will find the article posted at http://bestwellnessconsultant.com/2008/06/18/guest-post-by-patricia-singleton-testimony-best-of-mother-earth.aspx . Karen is an online friend that I met through visiting her blog over the past six months and leaving comments.
In my search for better health and taking responsibility for my own life, I find Karen's wellness counselor advice to be sound and helpful. I realized a long time ago that doctors don't have all of the answers and they don't know my body as well as I do.
Over the past 15 years, my body has become more allergic to things in the air, in medicines and in foods. Because of that, I have chosen to take a more active part in my own health care. As I said in my guest article, the pharmacist that we have used for 20 years recently told my husband that the list of antibiotics that I am allergic to makes it impossible for me to take any of the antibiotics currently on the market. Of the list of medicines that I am allergic to, the pharmacist said that one of those ingredients is in every single antibiotic that is at our disposal today.
What are my choices? Stay healthy, which is my first choice. Or, find natural forms of treatment that work without the harmful side effects of regular medicines. I would much prefer to stay in peak health. Living in our society of air pollution, water pollution, outbreaks of bad food and drugs, I am not sure that is possible.
Because of my food, air and medical allergies, I decided to learn more about my body, about being healthy, about natural ways to do that. I have learned to use Reiki and EFT to work on my body and my emotional issues to help me be healthier. I have learned what herbs and suppliments will help. I have learned to ask questions and search out information. I have learned not to blindly follow doctor's instructions and to look at the possible side effects of any medicines that they may prescribe.
Some of the medicines on the market today have side effects that can kill you or make your health worse than what you started with. Is it worth it??? Not to me. I think the reason that the drug companies have gotten so out of control is so that people will wake up and decide that we need to be more in control of what goes on in and with our bodies and our health.
Part of my searching for more information took me to Karen's site "Best Of Mother Earth." She gives good information. She is willing to answer questions. She doesn't think she is God like some doctors that I have had the misfortune to run across. Karen is very down to earth. That is one of the qualities that have her friends referring to her as "Mother Earth."
I hope that this article guides each of you to take a more active part in your own health and wellness. Have a glorious day.
Patricia
In my search for better health and taking responsibility for my own life, I find Karen's wellness counselor advice to be sound and helpful. I realized a long time ago that doctors don't have all of the answers and they don't know my body as well as I do.
Over the past 15 years, my body has become more allergic to things in the air, in medicines and in foods. Because of that, I have chosen to take a more active part in my own health care. As I said in my guest article, the pharmacist that we have used for 20 years recently told my husband that the list of antibiotics that I am allergic to makes it impossible for me to take any of the antibiotics currently on the market. Of the list of medicines that I am allergic to, the pharmacist said that one of those ingredients is in every single antibiotic that is at our disposal today.
What are my choices? Stay healthy, which is my first choice. Or, find natural forms of treatment that work without the harmful side effects of regular medicines. I would much prefer to stay in peak health. Living in our society of air pollution, water pollution, outbreaks of bad food and drugs, I am not sure that is possible.
Because of my food, air and medical allergies, I decided to learn more about my body, about being healthy, about natural ways to do that. I have learned to use Reiki and EFT to work on my body and my emotional issues to help me be healthier. I have learned what herbs and suppliments will help. I have learned to ask questions and search out information. I have learned not to blindly follow doctor's instructions and to look at the possible side effects of any medicines that they may prescribe.
Some of the medicines on the market today have side effects that can kill you or make your health worse than what you started with. Is it worth it??? Not to me. I think the reason that the drug companies have gotten so out of control is so that people will wake up and decide that we need to be more in control of what goes on in and with our bodies and our health.
Part of my searching for more information took me to Karen's site "Best Of Mother Earth." She gives good information. She is willing to answer questions. She doesn't think she is God like some doctors that I have had the misfortune to run across. Karen is very down to earth. That is one of the qualities that have her friends referring to her as "Mother Earth."
I hope that this article guides each of you to take a more active part in your own health and wellness. Have a glorious day.
Patricia
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Blame And Resentment Are Toxic Emotions
Right now I am reading the book "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story" written by Debbie Ford. This is the second of Debbie's books that I have read. The first was a few years ago and called "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers."
On page 88 Debbie says,
"Blame and resentment are the toxic emotions that keep us stuck inside the smallness of our stories. Woven throughout our personal dramas is an underlying conversation that might sound like this: 'Look what you did to me. You screwed up my life. I'm a nothing just like you'; or 'I'm never going to amount to anything---just like you told me.' We hold others responsible for our deficiencies and then set out to prove that we have in fact been ill treated and wronged. Our 'poor me' story becomes our evidence, proving that we've been mistreated, neglected, or abused. And every time we fall short of doing our best, we have the perfect alibi. We get to say, 'If I hadn't had that angry father, lousy girlfriend, alcoholic mother, or been raped, molested, beaten, ignored, abandoned, called names, I wouldn't be like this!' Then we use every failure, every disappointment, every broken relationship or botched business deal to support our conviction that we have been victimized. We continually sabotage our efforts toward success and happiness in order to hold on to our resentment and keep our stories intact. Our continued failures and misery prove to us that we are right and those we blame are wrong."
On page 89 Debbie goes on to say, "The people we blame offer a perfect excuse for our self-sabotage. We are unconsciously punishing them by not being as successful or as happy as we could be. We say, either verbally or nonverbally, 'Look, I really am a failure. You really did hurt me.' "
Are any of you doing this with your story of abuse and pain? Are you allowing your story to keep you from living your dreams, from fulfilling your purpose in life, from being who you were really meant to be?
I am less than half-way through the book and Debbie Ford has given me a lot to think about. What I have learned so far also adds to one of my recent articles "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/quit-playing-small-and-insignificant.html ) in that our stories can keep us living a very limited life where we don't use all of our abilities and talents because we feel inferior, wounded, damaged, victimized.
In staying stuck in our stories of victimization, we refuse to live a full life. We believe we are victims and we resent those who abused, ignored or abandoned us. We don't feel confident in ourselves. We see ourselves as failing because we hold on to our fears of inadequacy and unworthiness.
What have I learned from this book so far? Quit playing out the victim role of my story. Accept full responsibility for who I am, for where I am going. See and accept the blessings that have come out of my story of abuse and pain. We all have blessings that can come out of our past.
I know that I would not be as strong-willed, as compassionate, as vocal about child abuse without my story. With all of that, my story is not who I am.
Patricia
On page 88 Debbie says,
"Blame and resentment are the toxic emotions that keep us stuck inside the smallness of our stories. Woven throughout our personal dramas is an underlying conversation that might sound like this: 'Look what you did to me. You screwed up my life. I'm a nothing just like you'; or 'I'm never going to amount to anything---just like you told me.' We hold others responsible for our deficiencies and then set out to prove that we have in fact been ill treated and wronged. Our 'poor me' story becomes our evidence, proving that we've been mistreated, neglected, or abused. And every time we fall short of doing our best, we have the perfect alibi. We get to say, 'If I hadn't had that angry father, lousy girlfriend, alcoholic mother, or been raped, molested, beaten, ignored, abandoned, called names, I wouldn't be like this!' Then we use every failure, every disappointment, every broken relationship or botched business deal to support our conviction that we have been victimized. We continually sabotage our efforts toward success and happiness in order to hold on to our resentment and keep our stories intact. Our continued failures and misery prove to us that we are right and those we blame are wrong."
On page 89 Debbie goes on to say, "The people we blame offer a perfect excuse for our self-sabotage. We are unconsciously punishing them by not being as successful or as happy as we could be. We say, either verbally or nonverbally, 'Look, I really am a failure. You really did hurt me.' "
Are any of you doing this with your story of abuse and pain? Are you allowing your story to keep you from living your dreams, from fulfilling your purpose in life, from being who you were really meant to be?
I am less than half-way through the book and Debbie Ford has given me a lot to think about. What I have learned so far also adds to one of my recent articles "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/quit-playing-small-and-insignificant.html ) in that our stories can keep us living a very limited life where we don't use all of our abilities and talents because we feel inferior, wounded, damaged, victimized.
In staying stuck in our stories of victimization, we refuse to live a full life. We believe we are victims and we resent those who abused, ignored or abandoned us. We don't feel confident in ourselves. We see ourselves as failing because we hold on to our fears of inadequacy and unworthiness.
What have I learned from this book so far? Quit playing out the victim role of my story. Accept full responsibility for who I am, for where I am going. See and accept the blessings that have come out of my story of abuse and pain. We all have blessings that can come out of our past.
I know that I would not be as strong-willed, as compassionate, as vocal about child abuse without my story. With all of that, my story is not who I am.
Patricia
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Quit Playing Small And Insignificant
I am blessed to be able to participate in the "Communicating with Our Spirit Guides---Workshop" that Slade Roberson is hosting for the month of June. Thank you Slade for putting yourself out there to do this workshop. As usual, when you and I communicate, I learn about myself.
For awhile, I have been butting my head up against a wall of my own resistance to growth and searching out new terrritory in my spiritual journey. I recently told Slade that I was being a rebel and rebelling against structure in all forms. The little kid in me (the two-year-old) is in full tantrum mode and has been for awhile. She is always afraid of moving forward, especially spiritually. She is the one who still feels shame and worthlessness. Sometimes, I ignore her tantrums and sometimes, I face them head on and move forward anyway. Sometimes, like the past few months, I just let her throw her tantrum and wait for it to be over. She has strong lungs, like most two-year-olds.
I have waited and waited and waited. Now it is time to move forward again after reassuring her that her fears are unfounded. They are just leftovers from my childhood that need to be let go of. No one is going to hurt her. No one is going to make her life nearly impossible. I will protect her.
In Slade's class, we are learning different ways to get in touch with our spirit guides and to use the information that we get from them. We all get this information in various ways. Most of us ignore the majority of the information and if we do admit to receiving it, we blow it off to imagination or wishful thinking. Slade is teaching us how to know the difference between wishful thinking and the real thing---intuition. Most of the time, our guides use our intuition to speak to us.
Last week's assignment from Slade was to tell us to ask a question of our guides, out loud, and then follow that with the statement, "And my guides say _________." My rebellious two-year-old doesn't like being told what or how to do things. She was afraid.
One of the ways that I have learned to face my fears is to voice it so I did that in an email to the workshop group. Here is part of email that I sent them:
"Slade, I haven't played with the assignment of talking out loud to my guides and asking questions and then saying, 'And then my guides say . . .' I think that I haven't because of the answers that I might get. Am I ready for those answers? Am I ready to accept that much responsibility for my own life and actions and moving forward. Are any of the others in the group feeling what I am or am I just being a coward? . . ."
I got back several wonderful responses from group members that just added to the information that started coming to me from my guides almost immediately after sending the email on its way. Thanks to those who responded, if you are reading this. It made a big difference. Almost as soon as the email hit the air waves, my fear was gone. I have discovered, as I said above, that sometimes just voicing my fears is enough to make them disappear. I have also learned that voicing our own emotions can sometimes be a spur for someone else who may be feeling the same way to voice their feelings as well. We do all like company when we are feeling fear, anger, sadness or happiness.
About two days after sending out the above email, I received a message that loudly said, "Quit playing small and insignificant. It isn't you." I received the message and very quietly to myself say, "Oh, ok, is that way I am doing, again."
Then the articles started coming in from other bloggers telling me the same thing, just in a different format. The first of several came from my daily "Today's Heartfelt Blessing" which you can find at http://www.bettertobless.com/ . I love the messages that I receive daily from Kate. They are always uplifting and full of wisdom given out with humility.
The next article that came to me was from Albert of "Personal Development - The Urban Monk." Albert's article is entitled "The Power of Being You" which you will find at http://www.urbanmonk.net/318/the-power-of-being-yourself/ which starts out with saying, "Each individual brings a uniques light into the world, however, often that light remains buried below the surface of the person others see in us. Discovering that light and letting it shine is one of the fundamental steps each individual must take to become a more whole person." This was an article written by a guest author---Alexander De Foe. Thank you Alexander and Albert for this article.
At this point in my week, I started to realize how determined my guides were that I get the meaning of their information. Then I got the following article from the blog "6 WEEKS" written by Brett and found at http://6weeks.ca/?p=215 . What Brett told me came to him from Battlestar Galactica and was that "God loves you because you are perfect, just the way that you are." Then Brett went on to quote my favorite Marianne Williamson saying:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
For awhile, I have been butting my head up against a wall of my own resistance to growth and searching out new terrritory in my spiritual journey. I recently told Slade that I was being a rebel and rebelling against structure in all forms. The little kid in me (the two-year-old) is in full tantrum mode and has been for awhile. She is always afraid of moving forward, especially spiritually. She is the one who still feels shame and worthlessness. Sometimes, I ignore her tantrums and sometimes, I face them head on and move forward anyway. Sometimes, like the past few months, I just let her throw her tantrum and wait for it to be over. She has strong lungs, like most two-year-olds.
I have waited and waited and waited. Now it is time to move forward again after reassuring her that her fears are unfounded. They are just leftovers from my childhood that need to be let go of. No one is going to hurt her. No one is going to make her life nearly impossible. I will protect her.
In Slade's class, we are learning different ways to get in touch with our spirit guides and to use the information that we get from them. We all get this information in various ways. Most of us ignore the majority of the information and if we do admit to receiving it, we blow it off to imagination or wishful thinking. Slade is teaching us how to know the difference between wishful thinking and the real thing---intuition. Most of the time, our guides use our intuition to speak to us.
Last week's assignment from Slade was to tell us to ask a question of our guides, out loud, and then follow that with the statement, "And my guides say _________." My rebellious two-year-old doesn't like being told what or how to do things. She was afraid.
One of the ways that I have learned to face my fears is to voice it so I did that in an email to the workshop group. Here is part of email that I sent them:
"Slade, I haven't played with the assignment of talking out loud to my guides and asking questions and then saying, 'And then my guides say . . .' I think that I haven't because of the answers that I might get. Am I ready for those answers? Am I ready to accept that much responsibility for my own life and actions and moving forward. Are any of the others in the group feeling what I am or am I just being a coward? . . ."
I got back several wonderful responses from group members that just added to the information that started coming to me from my guides almost immediately after sending the email on its way. Thanks to those who responded, if you are reading this. It made a big difference. Almost as soon as the email hit the air waves, my fear was gone. I have discovered, as I said above, that sometimes just voicing my fears is enough to make them disappear. I have also learned that voicing our own emotions can sometimes be a spur for someone else who may be feeling the same way to voice their feelings as well. We do all like company when we are feeling fear, anger, sadness or happiness.
About two days after sending out the above email, I received a message that loudly said, "Quit playing small and insignificant. It isn't you." I received the message and very quietly to myself say, "Oh, ok, is that way I am doing, again."
Then the articles started coming in from other bloggers telling me the same thing, just in a different format. The first of several came from my daily "Today's Heartfelt Blessing" which you can find at http://www.bettertobless.com/ . I love the messages that I receive daily from Kate. They are always uplifting and full of wisdom given out with humility.
The next article that came to me was from Albert of "Personal Development - The Urban Monk." Albert's article is entitled "The Power of Being You" which you will find at http://www.urbanmonk.net/318/the-power-of-being-yourself/ which starts out with saying, "Each individual brings a uniques light into the world, however, often that light remains buried below the surface of the person others see in us. Discovering that light and letting it shine is one of the fundamental steps each individual must take to become a more whole person." This was an article written by a guest author---Alexander De Foe. Thank you Alexander and Albert for this article.
At this point in my week, I started to realize how determined my guides were that I get the meaning of their information. Then I got the following article from the blog "6 WEEKS" written by Brett and found at http://6weeks.ca/?p=215 . What Brett told me came to him from Battlestar Galactica and was that "God loves you because you are perfect, just the way that you are." Then Brett went on to quote my favorite Marianne Williamson saying:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
By the time that I finished reading Brett's article, I was laughing and told my guides, out loud so they would know I was serious, "Ok, I get the message." I do love what Marianne says and I guess I needed to be reminded of it. So, okay, people, quit playing small and insignificant. It isn't you and it doesn't suit you or anyone else for you to do it. Let your Light shine for all of the world to see. You never know who may be watching and learning from you about how to let their Light shine too. Isn't this world and time a glorious place to be? Can you tell that "glorious" is my favorite word. It has such a wonderful feel. One of these days, my two-year-old inner child might just reach out and grab onto that glory herself.
Patricia
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Living Life To Its Fullest Means Feeling It All
A friend sent me this in an email:
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.' "
For the most part I am a "Good morning, Lord." type of person but occasionally I do wake up after a long, hard sleepless night and think, "Good Lord, it's morning." What kind of person are you?
Over the past few days, I have cried a lot over things that I have read in books and over TV movies. I love to watch movies (good Chik Flicks) that make me laugh and make me cry. Girls can do that. Guys, aren't most of you envious over how easy a girl can cry?
Some of the tears have been heart felt, feel good tears.
Some of the tears have been tears of sadness and remembering of childhood events.
Some of the tears have been over the horrors that some people can do to others---senseless killings and abuse of innocent children are examples.
Some of the tears were caused by a nightmare that I had a few mornings ago.
What do I think about all of those tears? I think they are glorious. You ask, "Is she crazy? Has she lost her mind?" Not at all. It is glorious to feel whatever I feel wherever I feel it.
Once upon a time, a very long time ago, a child realized it was too dangerous to express feelings. You see all her daddy did with his emotions was to rant and rage and become violent.
Next, this same little girl discovered that it hurt too much to feel everything. What did she do? She shut all of her emotions down and buried them deep inside where no one, where not even she, could find them.
What did this do the the little girl and her world? It made everything be seen through shades of gray. Sometimes, the sadness and the tears would sneak out in uncontrollable crying jags late at night when she was all alone as a young woman.
As the woman that I am today, why do I say that the tears of the weekend were glorious? Because I no longer see the world just as shades of gray. The world is full of glorious colors---loud and bright and varied. After stuffing those emotions for so many years of my life, what I feel today---the sadness, the happiness, the grief, the joy---everyone of them is glorious because I am feeling them all fully, to the best of my ability.
Without the tears and grief, I would not know what the joy and happiness feel like either. You can't shut down one and feel the other. The mind doesn't work that way. When you stuff one, you stuff them all. Loving yourself means being willing to feel everything that you feel.
Live life to its fullest. Feel to the fullest. That entails the tears and the joy and everything in between. Live life in all its glory. Live life BIG.
Patricia
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.' "
For the most part I am a "Good morning, Lord." type of person but occasionally I do wake up after a long, hard sleepless night and think, "Good Lord, it's morning." What kind of person are you?
Over the past few days, I have cried a lot over things that I have read in books and over TV movies. I love to watch movies (good Chik Flicks) that make me laugh and make me cry. Girls can do that. Guys, aren't most of you envious over how easy a girl can cry?
Some of the tears have been heart felt, feel good tears.
Some of the tears have been tears of sadness and remembering of childhood events.
Some of the tears have been over the horrors that some people can do to others---senseless killings and abuse of innocent children are examples.
Some of the tears were caused by a nightmare that I had a few mornings ago.
What do I think about all of those tears? I think they are glorious. You ask, "Is she crazy? Has she lost her mind?" Not at all. It is glorious to feel whatever I feel wherever I feel it.
Once upon a time, a very long time ago, a child realized it was too dangerous to express feelings. You see all her daddy did with his emotions was to rant and rage and become violent.
Next, this same little girl discovered that it hurt too much to feel everything. What did she do? She shut all of her emotions down and buried them deep inside where no one, where not even she, could find them.
What did this do the the little girl and her world? It made everything be seen through shades of gray. Sometimes, the sadness and the tears would sneak out in uncontrollable crying jags late at night when she was all alone as a young woman.
As the woman that I am today, why do I say that the tears of the weekend were glorious? Because I no longer see the world just as shades of gray. The world is full of glorious colors---loud and bright and varied. After stuffing those emotions for so many years of my life, what I feel today---the sadness, the happiness, the grief, the joy---everyone of them is glorious because I am feeling them all fully, to the best of my ability.
Without the tears and grief, I would not know what the joy and happiness feel like either. You can't shut down one and feel the other. The mind doesn't work that way. When you stuff one, you stuff them all. Loving yourself means being willing to feel everything that you feel.
Live life to its fullest. Feel to the fullest. That entails the tears and the joy and everything in between. Live life in all its glory. Live life BIG.
Patricia
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